India has a long tradition of arrange marriages and so it’s going on till today.
The social structure & culture in India is such that when people think about a wedding it’s always an arrange marriage in mind. Love marriage for Indians is still a boom like the time of Soni- mahiwal. Indians never supported love marriages whole heartedly.
For Indians it’s really tough to accept a love marriage when its inter caste marriage (leave apart the religion- that is a big issue for them). Although education & media has played a very vital role in changing, the minds of Indian about their tradition of arrange marriages. But still deep down in their mind there is always a hand against love marriages.
Today, almost 50 % of people still very strongly believe in arrange marriages. And the rest 30% out of 50% supports love marriages just for their children happiness.
So very few of 20% Indians support love marriages happily.
But I still have some questions in my mind?
How can you decide about spending your life with someone who is a stranger?
How can one judge a person in just 5- 10 minutes of time?
I personally feel that when you have decided to spend life together it is important for you to know the person. There should be mental compatibility and understanding among both of you.
How can one get married to a person just talking for 5 minutes?
In case of arranged marriages the relation starts when the girl and the boy get to know each other in a meeting before the final commitment. Before deciding anything the parents do up with their number of meetings and important family checks.
All those formal meetings and hell lot of show-ups; what does all this matter when things are certainly different in future.
I personally believe, if you know somebody before marriage it allows partners to have better respect and understanding for each other's needs and desires.
People feel one is more secured in arrange marriages, as parents decide everything and confirms everything before the marriage. How can one be so sure that things seen & checked are true? Many of times things changes after marriage.
What is the guarantee of a arrange marriage to be more successful than love marriage?
It hurts and it hurts terribly when expectations are belied, when emotions get trampled and you feel cheated and ignored.
Then I should certainly say it’s all self affirmation that makes us think this way.
Why can’t we Indian make arrange marriage as easy to understand as a love marriage? Why cant two people spend some time together to understand each other well before their marriage decision?
How can a person think of spending life with a stranger?
It’s hard to understand this concept. People have a belief get married love will come following it. That’s a forceful love. One has to adjust even if both of your opinion doesn’t match with each other.
In my opinion in arrange marriages, if we can’t give time to understand each other than hats off to those people who go for love marriages. At least they will never have a grudge in their life, that they married a stranger. They married a person who they understand and know well.
They took time to come to a decision called marriage.
Marriage is not a joke it’s a life time commitment. It’s a matter of two person’s life, which can be beautified or made hell just with a wrong decision.
This is my take what about you...Are you ready to marry to a stranger?
4 comments:
I liked the thought here, but on the other hand I am a bit bothered about the title of the thought (the article).
"Do you want to spend life with a stranger"! Is this a valid question? You may start living with a stranger but you never spend your life with a stranger!
Has someone spent his/her life with a stranger (who actually is his/her better half)? I dont think that it can happen untill and unless extreme and unimaginable conditions coming into picture.
My openion: The question that everyone has in his/her mind before going for an arrange marriage is that "Would I be able to tune my life with this person or not, would I be able to understand how to fulfil her and the relation's needs or not? Ofcourse this is a tough question and can not be answered in a course of five-10 minutes conversation with the person. But I have another question then! What happens to the love marriages which are most loved in western countries? Why the level of divorces is that high there? Are those people not able to know each other in that much of time? There is a point of the author that what if one cant devote time to understand his/her better half? Well if this happens in love marriage as well (shortage of time) then God saves that marriage as well. About making arranged marriages like love marriages, I think it takes time to change the mentality of a "100 crore" population.
What I have understood is that marriage is a commitment that you make to yourself that no matter whether you know the other person (your better half) or not, you would try to tackle with each and every difficulty that comes in the way of making that relationship healthy and the other person happy, you would try to know and understand the needs of that person and the relationship so that you can take necessary actions when required for a better and healthy married life. So what is important is the strenght of that commitment.
I have seen some love marriages where people say that you weren't like this before marriage! Now you have changed! Now you dont love me!
So I think that the driving factor of any married life is your own dedication and willingness to make that marriage successful (and it is for both husbands and wives).
I am open to any comments on my openion as well.
Very true!!!!!
How much time does one require to 'understand' and 'know' the other person?One hour,one month,one year..a decade....?Do we know ourselves well enough to understand others?
What is the guarantee that love marraige will be more successful than the other one?
If love marraige leads to better life why ALMOST every one splits in west?
The point is love or arranged..are we willing to take responsiblity?Do we have the guts to commit?
And what is love ?Infatuation..sex..lust..orv something higher?If love is anything other than the above..why do only oppostite sex fall in love?
POSTING THIS OPINION ON YOUR BLOG MIGHT BE DIFFICULT
Well....the question is as valid or unvalid as is the statement that how much you believe in your parents credibility , experience and judgement....all those twenty years or so you followed their instructions in totto and now for a newly developed feeling you start doubting their power of judgement...
they have the ability of judging the partner fit for their son or daughter by virtue of their experience ...and dont forget that its not the partner that matters only...ithere is partner's family ,social status and lot more that matters as regard to marriage...and their are chances that one may take wrong decision by thinking that the newly generated feeling is love....
why there are chances of making a wrong decision is because when the guy and the girl come nearer they present their best to eact other... they hide their weaknesses...not only this ,they ignore each others weaknesses and turn a blind eye to that...they even dont know that sometimes a small weakness in the other proves fatal for married life...and on the other hand what seems as a bigger weakness is sometimes not harmful at all for marriage institution...
I dont condemn love marriages but what I say is that chances of making mistakes by young people are more than their parents....
e.g., the neighbours and friend of the lover will never criticise him and will never tell about his weaknesses to a girl as they know that she will tell her lover and this will spoil their relations with him ...and moreover the girl will never ask anybody about his background etc. as she will be in fear that her lover will come to know...But the parents will be frank enough to ask anybody and if something wrong in the guy ,someone will speak as sympathy for their girl...
its the reason that percentage of failure of love marriages is much higher than the arranged ones...
Not only this ,there are many chances that disputes may arise after marriage as no two persons can always have the same opinion ..and in cases of arranged marriages ,there are people who will act as mediators for compromise ....which is less possible in case of love marriages.
So what you term as a stranger in regard to an arranged marriage may be an open character guy by virtue of your parent's investigation and on the other hand the said known one might prove out to be a complete stranger after the love marriage...
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